I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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