I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
