omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
