Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
