He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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