SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
