his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Randomize
