I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wear drunk well.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
