and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
