Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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