Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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