i already hear my dad disowning me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
