Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
