wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize