dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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