I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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