well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
