I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
