Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
