Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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