my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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