bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Life without a bra equals bliss.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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