so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
