guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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