paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
