Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
