just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
