He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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