I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
