we have pet lesbian snakes
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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