there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
