He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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