He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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