If i come over, it means nothing
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
