Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
