I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize