i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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