my vag is so smooth its legendary
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
