why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
