Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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