I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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