omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
