he shaved USA in his pubs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
