So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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