If i come over, it means nothing
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
