We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
