She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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