i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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