Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
