I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize