her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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