How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
