We're like a lot better than the average bears
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize