i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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