I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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