I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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