I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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