We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think people are normalizing furries
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
