I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
