Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
