I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
