Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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