You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
