Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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