You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
