how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
