guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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