Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize