I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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