There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
